The Eclectic Writer

RIP to the World of Darkness

I received sad news from the Bronx Zoo today. In its July/August 2009 newsletter to members, the zoo informs us that it is "restructuring to ensure that we keep our 114-year-old institution strong on conservation and our parks the best places to bring your chldren and families." This wretched economy! Although the zoo continues to create new exhibits, part of the restructuring is the closing of World of Darkness, the round brown building that stood behind the entry to the African Plains and in front of Asia. Though World of Darkness could never be pinpointed on a global map like those other continents, it was a special destination unto itself.

Walking through the doors, your eyes took a moment to adjust to the sudden loss of light. But as you moved through the darkness, unsure whether you were about to knock into a railing or another zoo visitor, your eyes adjusted and you'd begin to see movement in the night. How fascinating to see the creatures that gracefully slip through the evening's blackness. Creatures with extra big eyes to allow more light in so they could see.

My favorite inhabitants of the World of Darkness were these desert cats. I cannot recall their real name, but they looked exactly like a household tabby yet made their homes in the wilds of the desert, prowling back and forth across the dunes behind the safety of the exhibit glass. Out of all the residents of that building, the cats stand out most in my memory.

I suppose I love the World of Darkness unconditionally as far as zoo exhibits go. I recall it was one of my favorites when I visited the Taronga Park Zoo in Sydney.  Something about worlds that exist outside of my own. That life continues even after the lights go out. That we must trust that living creatures can survive and thrive in an environment that brings us fear and uncertainty.

We happened to make a visit to the Bronx Zoo during our April vacation. As it turns out, the World of Darkness closed its doors to the light of the outside world soon after. According to the newsletter, the animals have been relocated to other exhibits within the zoo, to some of the city zoos, and other insitutions that "meet or exceed the guidelines of accredited institutions in the Associations of Zoos and Aquariums." Which means when we pay our visit to the Roger Williams Zoo in a few weeks, or stop in on other zoos across the country, we may run into some familiar friends.

Rest in Peace, World of Darkness. You helped shine light on other worlds so we could see, learn, and discover.

Editorial Diary

Summer has officially started and I continue the major project of my life begun last year. I am cleaning out the house.

I've realized that to truly make progress I must throw things away. For many people this is a no-brainer. However for me it's a challenge. I like to collect things. For me, they become like a visual diary. Sorting through toys, pictures, piles of stuff takes me back in time. And thanks to a right-brain that sometimes goes into emotional overdrive, I swear I can feel, smell, hear, sense everything that happened around those items. For example, the play kitchen handed down from my sister's kids with their names etched in crayon on the sides. Two of those children just graduated from high school, the other left today for her camp counser position. My kids had hours of fun with that same kitchen. I can see all of them in my mind during the past fifteen years playing with that kitchen, pretending to cook scrambled eggs, serving up dessert on yellow plastic toy plates the size of a frosting lid.

But as a writer one of the most dense, space consuming things I collect are magazines. There are certain issues and particular articles that struck me at a point in my life where what was written made sense or inspired me. For example, I just found the copy of USA Today with the article about a Washington D.C. femme fatale who published a book based on her blog. When this came out several years ago nobody had ever heard of blogs! But I remember thinking that this is something I should pay attention to, and my first novel began to take shape - on a blog.

What is truly interesting, too, is to trace back through magazine covers how quickly times have changed during the past couple of years regarding our economic stability and lifestyles. Not long ago covers headlined stories about "Retire Now" and "Get Rich and Live." Magazines heralded that anyone could make a lucrative living on the web, even teenagers.

Normally I would find it difficult to toss most of these magazines. But as I see how quickly times have changed, I realize that yesterday's news is just that. For everyone these are times when it might be worth it to clean out what we perceived to be reality just months ago and instead of holding on to that memory look ahead to the future and deal with the present. We can't base life only on what we read. Maybe it's time to start living again and moving forward through the experiences we share.

15 Words That Capture Fatherhood

"Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad." -- Anne Geddes

Happy Father's Day to all the dad out there. I found it interesting as a searched for a quote how many that were listed about fathers had such stereotypic references to them -- banker, patriarch, rule maker, disciplinarian. But I believe in just fifteen words, Anne Geddes says it all.

Read My TravelingMom Interview With Liz Lange

Read my interview with Liz Lange, maternity fashion designer, now posted as a revolving "cover" story on TravelingMom.com.

I met Liz when we both spoke at the Women in Business Summit in Rocky Hill, CT in March. She was incredibly gracious, open, and energetic - it is easy to see why she has found great success as a designer and a working mother!

Also check out my TMOM blog posting, Meeting Liz Lange, and find out how the interview for my Sanity column came about.

That's me, second from the left, next to Ellen D. Rothberg, President and CEO, VNA Healthcare, Inc. and Liz Lange, Founder and Creative Director, Liz Lange Maternity, fourth from the left. We're having our picture taken with the other talented expert speakers at the 4th annual Women in Business Summit sponsored by Events of Joy.

Bangling Out Some Thoughts About Social Media

"There's a complete lack of the inner critic, a complete lack of editing. Everything is out there all the time. There's no mystery. I don't think I want the world to know my innermost thoughts."

-Vicki Peterson of the Bangles, talking about social media during a recent interview

Yup, I was a Bangles fan back in the 80's. I even performed a slightly offkey remake of "Walk Like An Egyptian" in one of the first record your own record booths at some amusement park. To give you an idea of how long ago, I brought home the recording on a cassette tape.

Vicki makes a point I've been pondering a lot lately, professionally and personally. What about all this social media? What about this way people are communicating with one another daily in cyberspace?

The online world has exploded onto the scene in a very short time. Here's an example. When I marched to officially receive my M.F.A. degree just one year ago I shared the news via an email to my friends and colleagues. I wrote a few posts about it on this blog and even scanned some old college graduation pictures and posted for fun. Simple, to the point, here's what's happening in my  life.

This year I followed preparations, cap and gown pickups, photos, and fun stories with the next class via their Facebook postings. I knew moment to moment if they were in their cars en route to campus, when they were leaving their homes for the ceremony, or when they were sitting at their desks, blank word document in front of them, thinking now what?

Technology has given us an important tool to link together in a global world. Reconnecting with people can be fun, networking online can be productive, and the web certainly gives us writers a way to get our words read (or at least more control over the process.)

But it's the self-editing part of Peterson's remarks I hone in on and the observation that everything is out there all the time. I notice so many people spending time on Facebook, taking quizzes that tell them more about themselves than a Meyers-Briggs test. However, more often I see that one person has taken several or more in a row. I know where they want to vacation, what they like to eat, who they want to be like, what body part is their least favorite...and the list goes on.

What I pay attention to most with social media is that the quantity of information exchanged often remains out of any personal context. While it is fun and can be a valuable tool, it can also become a crutch, a way for people to stay hidden behind a computer screen and forget that sometimes it's okay to pick up a telephone or say hello to a friend. That sometimes it's good to pick up valuable customer input from the web but it's still a good idea to shop in a store and interact with people as they purchase your products. That whether or not other people care, maybe it's okay to keep it quiet as to whether you are more like Kermit or Miss Piggy or Elmo.

Like anything, social media in moderation can be a very good thing. But when people start to tap out their lives on a keyboard instead of living them, that could be a sign of disaster looming.

Celebration

Today marked my 18th wedding anniversary. Though I am typically private about such a day I found myself in a sense feeling obligated to say SOMETHING about it on my Facebook page. After all I share such profound, interesting nuggests about my life, like "having my second cup of coffee this morning," or "Monday is off to a slow start" or "just finished cleaning the kitchen - hurray!" Saying something about one of the most important days of my life felt, I don't know, necessary.

But maybe even more so than celebrating such an important milestone is that it makes me think about how long 18 years is and how much life we actually pack into that timeframe. Reflecting it seems like much more than we pause long enough to give ourselves credit for.

We didn't do much today to celebrate. Having your anniversary fall on a Monday puts a damper on any grand plans. We did go out to lunch, delicious Japanese, and we dined at a restaurant we used to go to quite frequently when we lived in the New Haven area. My husband met me there at noon and had dozen roses in hand. We devoured sushi and tempura and reminisced about the time we walked to this same restaurant during a snowstorm. It was all very sentimental, as life has been lately.

The kids came home and we cooked hot dogs. We finished summer camp forms. We picked fresh strawberries from the garden.

I pulled out the picture album from my wedding. How many people are no longer here. Some lost from our memories due to divorces or distance. Many more have pass away, one family member as recently as last week at the too young age of 61.  The collage of people, places, and events is everchanging but so many constants survive 18 years.

As I received far more "happy anniversary" responses on my Facebook page, from friends old and new, I realize that as time moves forward we do remain connected in the past, present, and future. The past 18 years have been an accumulation of good and bad, happy and sad, milestone and memory. We become the composite of all that touches us. And in 18 years realize that as much as I have a lasting marriage to celebrate, I have a full, successful life.

Life Cycles

I took my 11-year-old, soon-to-be 6th grader and her friend to a birthday party last evening. The girls, including the birthday girl, have known each other since daycare. As we drove to the party, the two girls huddled in the back seat over Alex' cell phone (my daughter does not own one yet, thank goodness.) Who were they texting? The birthday girl. After picking them up and heading home, again whispers, giggles, and huddling as they texted back and forth with - who this time? - the birthday girl!

Yesterday was kindergarten graduation and many of our friends, whose youngest were new to the elementary scene this year, marched to a pre-recorded "pomp and circumstance." Weren't they just babies last summer?

We're off to the high school graduation party for my college roommate's daughter - not the first one to hit the milestone, but the second child to be college-bound! Their first-born interned with me this spring. She'll be a junior next year and is already focused on career. The last looks like he should already be in college, but has a couple more years. He knows already which schools he'll apply to.

My nephews went to their senior prom last evening. Yes, twins. I still remember the day I held them and they first looked up at my face and recognized me. Given their busy lives it's not like it will seem that different they are not around as much, but it will be different.

Every morning when my 8-year-old boy wakes up he stands on his bed, wraps his arms around my shoulders, and I carry him to the family room. My husband can't believe I still do this. However there is a reason behind this ritual. One day very soon I will no longer be able to lift him up and hold him. I will no longer be able to feel his arms and legs wrapped around me, hugging me tight. He will simply be too big. I know that day is coming - probably before summer ends and I don't want to miss it.

I remember when this happened with my daughter. It seemingly occurred overnight. I didn't expect it. It took me offguard. I had to work my brain over and over again to recall her warmth, her embrace, her hair tickling my cheek. She is my first-born and nobody told me they grow up so fast. That the little things you take for granted move along very quickly. Yes, they're replaced quickly by other fascinating, wonderful things; and some not quite to easy to transition to. But life moves on, whether we want it to or not.

Sharing the Experience of Uncertainty

I just got off the phone with a friend who is anxiously waiting to hear back on a position she's favorably interviewed for but has not yet received an offer. While typing this entry, a Facebook update popped up on my email from another friend sharing that she has finally been served divorce papers from her soon-to-be ex (however, I sense this is GOOD news.) I myself have been feeling a bit uncentered these days - lots of irons in the fire, but picking the one that will stoke the most coals still alludes me.

Lately I've been realizing what changing times we are experiencing. A sure sign that the recession will drag on quite a bit further is when the news feeders begin to run out of clever headlines to keep economic woes fresh. That's when I know we're comfortably settled into a period of unsettling unknowingness.

Although I find myself on a roller coaster of wild ups and downs during these uncertain times, I find life is no more or less complicated than it is for most other people I know. There is something strangely comforting in this. Somehow it doesn't make the ride less scary, but you know that at some point it will end and you'll all disembark, perhaps a bit shaky, but intact and ready for the next thrill.

As I talk to people, or coach or speak with them professionally, I sense we're all not necessarily adjusting as much to the economy as we are to the uncertainty. Many of the expectations we've developed over the years, particulary the past 10-15, have skewed our views of normalcy. We now have to be patient, we no longer sense we have as much control over our destinies (at least short term,) and we have to make decisions and choices that meet short term needs and somehow stay upbeat about future plans. Not easy to do.

My best advice, something so doable and inexpensive you'll be amazed, is to reach out to friends just to say hello; don't be afraid to confide in a friend that you need their help, even if it's an ear to listen; and take time to just get together, share a cup of coffee, and catch up on things.

The recession is tough. It stinks. Many of us are moving forward with blindfolds on, or at least with slits we're barely able to see through. But one of the best things to come out of it so far is to have a little more time to be human, to connect with our friends, to remember what it means to give each other support.

Let's face it. When the ride ends, many of us will head to different rides for our next thrills. But in the meantime, we can treat the coming months like a day in the park, a chance to experience our friendships in a way we perhaps haven't in too long a time.

Picture Perfect Vacations

Anyone who knows me knows what a big fan I am of visioning. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale suggested standing in front of a mirror each morning and repeating to oneself what they envision themselves to be.

I never could quite get comfortable with the mirror routine (except for practicing my future Oscar acceptance speech each spring) but I caught on quickly to the idea of creating an image in one's mind of the future they'd like to achieve. A tangible way to put pictures into practice is to translate that mental image to a vision board using images taken from magazines, etc.

I'm simplifying this quite a lot. But to learn more I've got two suggestions for you:

• Read my latest Sanity advice at TravelingMom.com - it's all about using vision board techniques to picture the perfect vacation.
• Learn more about the upcoming Women in Business Envision It! Get a Jump On Your Dreams Summer Series Event, taking place on July 18th. New Haven-based artist and my good friend, Carmen Lund, will help participants create personalized vision boards to help them achieve their future goals.

Stay in focus and work on your tomorrows - today!

Getting Ready for Summer

My children remind me daily that summer vacation is just around the corner. Their daily countdown ensures not a moment leading up to the last day will be missed. This morning my husband and I sat down to figure out plans. I printed off blank calendar pages from powerpoint and we meticulously mapped out who was going to be where and when. He assured me the extra dollars spent on a few more days of summer camp would be dollars well spent as it meant family sanity would remain, for the most part, intact.

Last year was the first summer in many years I did not report into an office each day. However, there was the big trip to Lithuania which made the months fly by fast and made that season unique unto itself. This year is different again. Our schedules are quite dynamic and ever changing. We'll be closer to home but in a sense all over the place.

For those of you getting ready for summer, now is the best time to pull together your plans. As the "resident Sanity expert" for TravelingMom.com I've offered up a couple of checklists for readers to help them prepare for the summer months ahead, whether they plan a "staycation" or a "vacation."

Check out staycation tips or vacation tips at TravelingMom.com and start getting ready!