Check out my WiP reader book review that is posted today on Lisa Cullen's Work in Progress blog. The book is titled, You, Inc. by Harry Beckwith and Christine Clifford Beckwith.
I'm attending the 2008 AWP Conference (Associated Writers and Writing Programs) and am about to immerse myself among thousands of other writers, editors, M.F.A. colleagues, etc. I'll fill you in on the experience in upcoming postings. Stay tuned!
Say it isn't so! A recent article posted on CNN.com titled "Where you fall in poll of U.S. reading habits" states that one in four adults say they read no books at all in the past year. According to the Associated Press-Ipsos poll, the survey reveals that "The typical person claimed to have read four books in the last year -- half read more and half read fewer. Excluding those who hadn't read any, the usual number was seven."
This is bad news when you are a writer aspiring to publish your work. When you write, the hope is that someone out there will want to read the words you put to paper. When you are a writer, developing a book length manuscript is often a coveted accomplishment. But if you write a book and no one wants to read it, that can add up to some bad karma for us literary types.
The other part of all this that disturb me even more are some of the excuses noted. One guy complained that he gets sleepy when he reads. He "would rather spend time in his backyard swimming pool." Imagine that! Growing up I always associated lazy days poolside or lounging on a beach blanket as the perfect time to immerse myself in a good book, travel to distant lands, meet sleezy characters that made my skin crawl, or read about someone else's life. The pool and the beach have always been the places where I could find the time to read. Maybe this guy needs a good book and a potent cup of java to keep him going.
But for all the folks (the majority it seems) who shun books, there are the ones that do can't do without them and they are a dedicated bunch. Women tend to be more avid readers than men, although my husband would dismiss that statistic. He can't go to bed without reading and has been known to drive to Borders just before closing to grab one of the latest releases of his favorite authors. As the primaries draw near, some Democrats and liberals, according the the poll, are "typically reading slightly more books than Republicans and conservatives." It would be interesting to track one of the debates to see if one side or the other quotes a current best seller or classic Shakespeare more than the other guy (or woman).
Perhaps what saddens me the most is that if adults on average are not reading books, then grown ups are not setting good examples for our children. I cringe when I hear other parents say that their children "hate reading." While I agree not every child -- or adult for that matter -- is going to be equally passionate about the written word, reading is a fundamental skill. It is a primary way we share information. Storytelling in its earliest forms was the basis of communication and an important component in the evolution of society as we know it today. It was a revolutionary moment when stories could be written down, not just verbally transmitted, and shared consistently among the masses.
Maybe it's not reading itself that turns away people. Maybe we've just forgotten how to find good things to read. A recent article in USA Today entitled "The dreaded summer reading list" talks about encouraging young people to read by exposing them to the variety of works to read from. "Study after study tells us that reluctant readers need books that are relevant to their lives" the article quotes. The Harry Potter phenomenon proves there are still a multitude of people who love a good story. Graphic novels have found a thriving popularity.
So do these articles discourage me from my dream? No way. As a writer, a type-A ambitious one at that, the poll just gives me more of a burning desire to hone my craft and become a really good writer, one who can tell a really good story, one who can get across my ideas and perhaps change my little corner of the universe just a little. When I think about my aspirations in the publishing world, if what I write can encourage one person to read who might otherwise not have even tried, I will have found my success in the written word. And I won't even mind if they get the pages just a little bit wet.
I recently had an interesting discussion with a former colleague of mine about women and how society perceives they should live their lives. It reminded me of a response I wrote in my first semester of graduate school about Carolyn Heilbrun's book, Writing a Woman's Life. I thought it would be worth sharing here. Here's to you D.W. Thanks for checking into the blog!
As I began reading Writing a Woman’s Life by Carolyn G. Heilbrun, I initially had a concern about how I would manage through a book written with an obvious feminist bent. I have struggled formulating my own personal opinions about feminism for many years. Initially, I thought feminists were in general angry and resentful, having been oppressed or limited in their lives. I could not relate to their mission, even though I am a baby boomer and lived during some of the most evolutionary times of the feminist movement. I was the youngest of five children, three girls and two boys, and had a strong mother and a loving father who, after retiring early on disability, was one of the first stay-at-home dads and managed house and the kids while my mom worked. I never felt oppressed or limited in my dreams or ambitions. If I had wanted to be an astronaut, I would be encouraged to do so. I had always been good at the sciences and never felt that I shouldn’t be because I was female. My dad taught me woodworking, and his tools were readily at my disposal. Although I had an impressive collection of Barbie’s, my collection of Matchbox cars was equally impressive. I was the quintessential tomboy in my early years, favoring jeans to dresses, but later in life would discover the joys of designer clothes, sophisticated make-up, and spa treatments. I played sports competitively and was on several varsity teams, but also worked as a library page and seriously studied piano and music theory. So, for whatever reasons, my life traversed between the world of dirt, mud, and toughness and dolls, dresses, and femininity. It seemed like the way things should be, so I did not understand why women felt they were being held back.
Later in life, particularly after starting my career, I better understood why feminism existed and the limitations placed on my gender. A strong woman can be as mesmerizing as she is threatening. I have been fortunate to work with many men who have given me respect and opportunities. I have truly felt like a peer and colleague. But there is still an unwritten rule, or nuance is maybe a better word, that prevails between men and women. Sometimes the men who are our biggest supporters also have a need to take care of us. On one hand, this is welcoming, yet it can also feel condescending or make us feel vulnerable. Some men seem to have a strong need to take care of a woman, to be her mentor, her savior, and her guide. Some woman enjoy this and leverage it to their benefit, but struggle at times not to do so at the risk of losing respect or equality. Strong women, and I count myself among them, struggle between the two. There is a fine line between being feminine without the risk of being taken less seriously, when to be tough and aggressive risks misinterpretation by the very men who respect and support you. Heilbrun reflects this in her introduction, where she talks of the male being the center, and the woman being secondary. Writing a woman’s life seems to be rooted in how it relates to the man’s role as the pivotal center to the drama. In relationship to a woman’s life and the professional world, Heilbrun writes, “There are no recognizable career stages in such a life, as there would be for a man.” How very true.
Thus is how my reading and reflection of Heilbrun’s book progressed. It unleashed a multitude of ponderings, way too many to discuss here, that awakened in me different perspectives on my future writing. It made me aware of a need to be extremely honest and realistic in my writing, but to also point out different viewpoints. It touched at the core of me as a woman and writer, and the influences that have shaped me over time. Heilbrun writes about women who either radically “pushed the envelope” (ex. George Sand) or those who came to tragic ends because of their struggles (ex. Sylvia Plath). Here is where I struggle with feminism. It always seems dramatic, or reflects strong masculine tones, or a radical identity, or a tragic life. Having a strong sense of self, or as someone once put it “comfortable in my own skin,” I look at serious issues, but equally look at the humor in life. I love my feminine side and find great joy in figuring out how to make it work to help achieve my goals and ambitions. I can be deeply reflective, but also love to observe and write about the light side of life. I know the workplace has a long way to go in achieving equality and diversity, but I also recognize that there are many professional women who went through a lot to make it possible for me to have gotten where I am.
There are themes in my writing that emerged as I read the book. Heilbrun talks about the oral exchanges among women. I related this to the recent emergence of coaching, and the more traditional mentoring. I have seen through my own experiences that women learn from other women. The bonds they form, the honesty they share with each other, is powerful. Advice and support are shared through strong networks. A personal essay to me is the way to coach and mentor the masses, while not losing sight of the individuals reading the piece. Sharing personal insight allows for their interpretation based on their lives, histories, and ambitions. Creative nonfiction is about sharing knowledge, teaching and learning. Essay writing provides a platform for doing this.
Chapter three fascinated me, given my interest in diversity and family influences. Her narrative about father-daughter relationships was particularly interesting as it relates to my own observations about family life growing up, and raising two young children, a boy and a girl. I have started to think about how some of these observations can be translated into concepts for personal essays. For example, why is my husband ok with our daughter wearing pink nail polish but not red? Will my daughter’s strong personality make her successful in life, but an intimidating prospect for the prom? Will my son be a “kinder, gentler” husband as a result of having a stay-at-home dad?
Heilbrun quotes from an interview with Anne Sexton “I was trying my damndest to lead a conventional life, for that was how I was brought up, and it was what my husband wanted of me.” These words resonated with me in a strange way. I was raised in a family that never pushed convention on me, but I have always been drawn to convention. It creates a struggle in me. Certainly Sexton’s dilemma was so great it led her to a psychotic breakdown, and I don’t share the drama. But there has always been a conflict, and I believe reaching into that conflict will create some great writing down the road that will make a difference in the lives of other women. My approach to writing to women is reality-based. The key for me is not to judge right from wrong, or judge women who choose more traditional lives versus ambitious, career-focused ones. It’s not a question of comparison or contrast. It’s writing from the soul, it is about writing as a woman about women’s lives, with honesty, humor, observation, and the ability to leave an impression and evoke thinking from the reader.
I suppose I am still somewhat confused by feminism, but have grown to understand it more as I’ve grown older. Although I was fortunate to grow up without convention, I’ve still grown within the context of what society calls on a woman to be. Perhaps that is why I feel a strong need to write to other women, to make sure a voice is heard that brings a fresh perspective.
One question comes to mind after finishing Allison Pearson’s national bestseller, I Don’t Know How She Does It.
Why isn’t this required reading for every working female who is married with children?
Pearson’s protagonist, Kate, captures the universal essence of a dilemma faced by today’s working mothers: how do you juggle the roles (inclusive but not limited to) mother, wife, coworker, boss, subordinate, lover, friend, and champion effortlessly and flawlessly in order to meet everyone else’s expectations - accept your own?
Writing in the first-person, Pearson paints vivid scenes that only a mother would love, while recognizing them as being the flawed misconception of what determines a women’s value in today’s society. For example, Kate stays up until the wee hours of morning attempting to make her store-bought dessert for the school event look like she baked it herself from scratch, less the other stay-at-home mothers frown upon her mixed-up priorities. She tries to figure out who works for whom when dealing with the nanny. Her countless “to do” notes accumulate more action items than a piece of paper can hold.
Pearson uses sensitivity and realism when touching upon the agonizing conflicts that prey on women who pursue work and motherhood simultaneously, either by choice or otherwise. What do you do when you think your children prefer the nanny or your stay-at-home husband? How do you resist the temptations of an illicit love affair when your own relationship feels empty and drained? What happens when you feel you are losing those you love despite every agonizing attempt to fit reconciliation back into your hectic schedule?
Through humor, poignant scenes, and rich characterizations, Pearson reaches a nerve in all women, but especially those who try to manage harried, crazy lives balancing work, home, and life, trying not to take it all too seriously while wiping away the tears.
What I enjoyed most about Pearson’s novel is that Kate works through the conflicting question that plagues her thinking – is it really all worth it? - and systematically dissects the classic self-talk and excuses women use to convince themselves that it is when all the facts may suggest otherwise.
Somehow in the end, Kate is able to work through the conflict and make decisions that meet her expectations for how life should be, while refusing to compromise on her idealistic vision of having it all. How she comes to this understanding is a lesson all working mothers should learn about what they do control and what they cannot. Pearson is unwilling to give us the happily ever after ending in the traditional sense, but through Kate clearly lets the reader know that in the perfect world, others may dictate is a fairy tale but in the real world, fairy tales are myths.
This is the genius of this book. It gets the point across without being preachy or presumptuous. Readers will relate to the situations Kate finds herself in, her self-doubts, and her experiences. But for those who pick up a copy of I Don’t Know How She Does It, they will pull from Pearson’s words their own personal interpretation of what it means to have it all in today’s society without guilt, blame, or regrets. Kate is merely a character that represents “every woman” in the classic sense, the female who is good or evil, naughty or nice, but struggles to do the right thing in a world where the difference of right or wrong and the emotions that drive the choice are muddied.
I Don’t Know How She Does It is a must-read. Now if we can only figure out how to get men to pick up a copy.
