The Eclectic Writer

How Do You Say Beijing?

Who cares how you say "toe-may-to" or "toe-mah-to." What the Olympic-watching world wants to know is, how do you say "Beijing?"

That was the subject of an SI.com article I read on line about the host city of the Olympic games. It seems NBC's Brian Williams has it right -- he calls it "Bay-jing" -- which, according to experts of the Chinese language, is the proper pronunciation. Many others, including Mr. William's colleagues, are making a communications faux pas by referring to the city as"Bay-zhing."

Get it? You're supposed to make the "j" sound, like a toccatto, "Juh," as opposed to a "zh" sound like a sustained, "Zhzhhhhhhh." The former is short, abrupt, strong. The latter is sort of lazy, like the kind of slur I make in the morning when I've had too little sleep and my brain isn't quite working yet to get the words formed properly as they come out of my mouth.

I applaud Brian Williams for getting the pronunciation correct. Somehow we manage in the American language to create our own version (that's "ver-zhun", like an interpretation from a particular point of view, not "ver-jin," like someone who hasn't done it yet) of other places in this world, not because we're naive or stupid, but because we tend to Americanize everything into how we would do or say it. Heck with how it's really supposed to be said.

I've always been sensitive to this pronunciation thing. I still remember learning from my college roommate the proper pronunciation of her native island -- "An-ti-gah," not "An-ti-gwa," as commonly said -- and have been faithful to this day. I politely correct anyone who chatters on about their vacation to the island they refer to as a "gwa," not a"gah." 

Another island that seems to get a thwarted pronunciation is "Porto Rico" instead of "Pwaerto Rico." Maybe it's an island thing; water in the ears can impair our ability to hear the way things should be said instead of how we choose to say them.

I will admit, I've been a bit naive myself, mispronouncing cities in my own country. I was abruptly corrected by a Pennsylvania native friend of mine to get out of my habit of putting a French twist on "Du-bwa" and get the inflection down pat, as in "Du-Boyse." I still think my pronunciation sounds prettier, but I've learned to live with the flatter form.

Seriously the point of pronunciation is an important one. In this global world we live and work in, it's important for us to pay attention to the way we communicate with each other. We can't make assumptions about the words and language simply because it's convenient, or default to a mispronunciation because everyone else does. Language works because it's built upon a set of standards. Like anything, once we start to mutate the standard we get chaos. And not the good kind. Language in chaos can create miscommunication and misinterpretation, or even worse, a shutting down of our ability to listen to each other.

Both during my professional life as a global communicator, and growing up in an environment where I had a lot of exposure to people from other countries, I experienced first hand the importance of language in how we connect. If we are to be a global world, we need to show our respect for each other in the way we communicate. We can't expect everyone else to speak English (although, quite frankly, most do and rather well) and not take time to at least try to get a pronunciation of a proper noun correct.

It isn't easy. I struggled during our entire trip to Lithuania about how to pronounce "Panevycysz." I never did get it right and I won't even attempt to spell it phonetically here. Lithuanian is a tough language, one of the oldest in the world, and it's filled with "zh's" and "jh's" and other slurry sounds that don't skip naturally off my tongue. But that's no excuse. While my sisters and I cringed each time my mother corrected us from the backseat  (and probably more because we are her daughters than our inability to speak Lithuanian) she was right to keep on us to get it straight. What we had was an opportunity to expand our wordly perspectives, and me, to practice what I preach.

Maybe it would be worth it to make language an Olympic sport.  Proper pronunciation of global words and phrases, correct grammar and punctuation, would earn gold, silver, and bronze medals.

Who would emerge the champions?

Holy Roller!

Dale Davis has brought new meaning to the term, "blind faith."

Davis, a 78-year-old bowler from Alta, Iowa, "scored a perfect 300 game," according to an article I read this morning on CNN.com. Thing is, Davis is blind. An avid bowler earlier in his life, he gave up the sport when he lost his sight years ago. But, thanks to his sister, he rediscovered the game and now plays six a week. A perfect game has been a long-time goal.

I can't count a perfect game among my lofty goals.  As far as bowling is concerned, I'm happy to just  inch into the triple digits when I play. Most times my kids beat me by a very comfortable margin and they've had a lot time in their lives to practice.

We don't have to be bowling fanatics to learn a lesson from Davis. Put away all the self-help books; this guy has goal setting down to a science. He assumed when he first lost his sight that his desire to bowl a perfect score would never happen. Instead, he mustered all the hutzpah he had in him and instead figured out a way to navigate the alleys by finding the raised dots on the lanes and using his hearing to do the rest.

Now Davis aims to bowl his second perfect game by the time he's 90.

Sometimes even though we can see clearly what's in front of us, our fears about change and what lies ahead can blind us to our own ambitions. It's a lot easier to find the excuses for why we can't do something than to figure out how we can do it but in a different way. Davis was ready to let something like eyesight keep him from the sport he loved; however, with encouragement from a sibling he did not let go of his passion but figured out a different way to keep it in his life. Davis did not give up on goals because he was blind; instead he found an alternate way to meet them.

My friend and MFA colleague, Carmen, posted a great quote on her blog, Creative Kindling. It was from Anais Nin and goes -- "And the day came/when the risk to remain tight in a bud/became more painful/than the risk it took to blossom."

At 78 years of age, and with the inability to see what's in front of him, Dale Davis continues to clearly see the road ahead of him, move forward confidently, and blossom.

Just for a moment, maybe we should all close our eyes to invite in the darkness so we might see the blossoming bud of our true potential.

Happy Earth Day!

The big day is finally here!  Earth Day 2008.  Events have been taking place all weekend.  People are paying extra special attention to our planet, at least for one day. 

Close to home, on the way to the bus stop today, I spotted an empty beer can tossed in our woods (sigh.)

Although there wasn't a bombardment of ideas for the First Ever Eclectic Writer Early Earth Day Reader Challenge, we did receive a few great responses from some of our dedicated readers and blog friends. For example, Colleen shared this thought:

"I like your idea of putting trash cans out at neighborhood bus stops and other places where groups of people congregate. Of course, the trash collection companies would need to cooperate with that, but I don't think it would be too difficult to add a few more stops to their route. Innsbruck, Austria, had NO problem with garbage on their streets or in the woods. I think part of that was because they stressed recycling so much. (you were fined if you didn't put your trash in the right container) But also, they had wastebaskets set up at every bus stop, on corners and also attached to the poles of streetsigns.

I said it before, but I'm going to say it again because I REALLY like this idea: use your own shopping basket or canvas bags when shopping, instead of taking the plastic or paper bags from stores. Think of how much that would save!"

Another dear blog friend and reader from across the pond, Louise, had this to say:

"Good for you, Anne! There is a stretch of road near where I live in the UK with a bit of woodland that regularly has food wrappers and drink cartons along the side of the road and it is where parents wait in cars to pick up their kids from the local school - wrong at so many levels!

Raising awareness is key - for example we have a new recycling policy for the refuse collection which nobody really liked when it was introduced - our bins are emptied only once every two weeks. However, I have been surprised just how much of my refuse now goes into the new recycling bin. Just having to think about separating recyclable from non-recyclable waste has made me much more conscious of packaging and how much stuff I personally throw away."

My mother shared these ideas by email:

"When using the car. please take a bag [any kind] to have in the car should you stop for coffee. food. or anything that you plan to eat on the GO! Then, when you finish, you could put it back into the mentioned bag instead of throwing it out the window and cluttering the neighborhood you are driving through!"

I also liked another idea she shared with me by phone. She makes it a habit to walk around her front yard once a week to collect any litter that's been tossed.  Doing it weekly keeps the property clean and gives her a chance to get outside and get some exercise!

Here's a few more ideas from yours truly:

• Hang a bag in the back seat of the car between the kids' seats so they can automatically toss their happy meal trash in the garbage. This will help prevent stray straw papers and napkins from flying out of the car and onto the street as they get in and out of the car.
• Incorporate "green chores" into your children's regular helping duties. For example, have them take responsibility for emptying the trash from the car or separating out their recyclables when they finish with a can or plastic bottle. Give "eco" points for jobs well-done that can be saved up for a special treat or outing.

Most importantly, set an example through your actions and behaviors EVERY DAY, not just on Earth Day. Putting trash in the right place and picking up after ourselves is simply civilized behavior that demonstrates respect to all living creatures.  Tossing trash out the window of the car, dropping garbage on the sidewalk instead of carrying it home or placing it in a trash bin, or refusing to recycle is just sheer laziness and slovenly behavior. There is no excuse for it and there should be no tolerance for it.

Instead of just participating in Earth Day, use it as a starting point to make your year-long commitment to keeping trash off the streets and out of the woods and helping our neighborhoods stay clean.

Smile!

I couldn't find the camera bag the other day.  We were going to the zoo, and I of course needed to stuff my digital camera and digital camcorder into my backpack.  Granted we've gone to the Bronz Zoo a gazillion times and, at the ages of 6 and 9, my children don't perform as many "firsts" warranting kodochrome moments. But I love to have that camera with me so I can add another forty photos to our ever-expanding folder called "My Pictures."

An an article I read this morning on CNN.com called Turning Back the Years cites that "today's kids are forming the most digitially documented generation ever" but that "creating and preserving a digital archive can take away from living the moment."

I believe it.  When my daughter was born, digital wasn't fully "in" yet. In fact, when I found out I was pregnant we invested in an Olympus 35mm, automatic everything with manual options, to capture pics for our family photo album.  As a new mom, my practice sessions for driving with an infant took place during those early road trips to our local Walgreen's to drop off a roll and pick up the snapshots.

By the time my son was born, digital had taken over the parental shutterbug population and I was snapping (or should I say clicking) away.  No one can accuse me of ignoring my responsibility to archive the kids' formative years.  We have digital pics in our folder numbering into the thousands!

For a long time those pictures sat there taking space but that was about it. Occassionally when friends were over I'd drag them up to our office and put them through a painstaking picture show displaying each and every picture ("Here's a picture of the kids sitting on a rock ...here they again but this one has too much red eye....oh this one is a favorite...but in this one they both blinked...")

Click.  Click.  Click.

Welcome Shutterfly! One thing we can count on with technology is that it is always evolving. Today many on line service, www.shutterfly.com or www.snapfish.com to name just a few, can help you turn your on line photos into something that can be shared with family and friends.  Here are some fun things I've done with my photos thanks to these easy-to-use services:

• Holiday Greeting Cards.  Forget spending a day setting up your holiday family portrait.  Snap a picture and order on line.  In less than a couple of hours, you can take the photos, choose the best one, and design your greeting card.  The order is delivered to your home.
• Just Because Greeting Cards.  Why wait until the holidays to send a card? I took a picture of my kids rockclimbing at the Animal Planet Expo and made it into a card with the caption "We reached new heights this summer." The photo was a hit and is adorning many a refrigerator in our relatives' homes. When my daughter's friends, who were twins, had a going away party before their move out of state, I captured the three nine-year-old's together and we sent a "best of luck" card to the family and the card sits on her bureau to remind her of her friends.
• Enlargements.  Wow, collages, poster size, wallet photos.  You can get professional quality prints and finally get those photos up on the walls in a visually pleasing way, not just stick in a wooden frame and plop on top of the coffee table.

We do need to live in the moment.  But to create out of control folders containing thousands of pictures just adds more work.  DO SOMETHING with those memories!

By the way, I did find my camera bag tucked away at the bottom of the closet.  But laying next to it I found that 35 mm Olympus.  I think I might pick up some film this weekend and snap away the old-fashioned way -- just for something different.

Frenemy or Foe?

I was going to call it an early night.  I've got a miserable head cold, a 7:30 a.m. meeting and I really could use some sleep. As usual I took in a quick look at the headlines on CNN.com and a certain title caught my attention.  I just couldn't resist this one.  Sleep will have to wait.

The article is titled, "Do you have a frenemy?" A frenemy, for those of you who like me missed this newest entry into mass media jargon, describes "females who tangle with female friends."  Instantly jello wrestling and 80's television programming like Dallas and Knots Landing come to mind.  But no, this indepth article highlights the following fascinating facts.

First, women are more likely to have love-hate relationships than men.  Based on what, I ask?  Sure men are much better at telling a colleague, for example, they're a @%#^ and then go out together for a beer.  Women will talk about conflict, get deep into their feelings, and either resolve the issue right away or harbor the hurt and loss through three therapy sessions or two martinis, depending on the intensity of the issue.

Second, according to an "expert"(obviously male) men are quicker to dump negative friendships -- to which I say "wusses!"  What seals male relationships anyhow, a preference for domestic over import brews?  Women put up with a lot of garbage because they've been conditioned to be nice, see the good in other people even if you have to go really, really deep in order to do so. If they put the kabash on "negativity" and call it quits on a relationship, women are said to be "frenemish" or worst a you-know-what. I  won't print it here. You catch my drift.

Third, if you have a frenemy, you need a support network. Are we talking here about a 12-step program for cattiness? Frankly if I have a frenemy, I don't want others to tell me why I should stay in the friendship and be a good samaritan.  What I need someone to knock me on the side of the head and say, "Wake up! That woman's too fremenish for you."  Or they can even be more direct and say, "She's a jerk.  Dump her."  If all else failed, what I would really need is a new friend, and probably a new support network too. 

Now it's time for me to take my cold medicine and drift off to sleep, free of frenemies as I fall into a peaceful slumber.

Extreme Balancing Act

Just when I thought there might be some hope for making peace between my type-A personality and my  quest for work-life balance, I read an article in my latest Oprah magazine that tells me that "a new job fervor is making old-fashioned workaholism look like slacking."

What the?....

It seems this new breed, called "extreme workers" are "on the rise," according to the Harvard Business Review study cited in the article.  But when I read the description of these workers and what they thrived on -- heavy work flows, constant travel, 24/7 availability, heavy accountability, big teams -- there were no surprises there. It pretty much described what I have experienced as normal during my career. 

So what struck me as interesting was that the article implied that in return for this adrenaline-pumped dedication, extreme workers reaped rewards like high salaries, prestige, and perks.  But what we need to keep in mind is that although some strive to meet extreme "on the job" expectations and are rewarded in kind --  one may even say they are addicted to the lifestyle -- others fall prey to the cultural expectation of the extreme workstyle, and as a result strive to meet a standard that doesn't fit them.  Whether or not they call themselves ambitious, pretty soon an either/or scenario is bound to develop -- either you live up to those expectations and work yourself ragged or you lower your expectations and settle for less.

In my casual conversations about work/life balance and career expectations, I've noticed huge gaps between how the two are defined and how expectations vary from person to person.  While one colleague may view her work as a job, another may pursue her career with  passion.  For one, coming in for set hours and producing the best work she can is enough.  For the other, the work, how it's done, and the recognition are part of her self-definition.

My point is this -- if we keep defining everyone categorically, we're going to end up with a siloed civilization incapable of crossing boundaries.  This will inevitably lead us to a work culture lacking of any innovation or diversity.  Instead, I say "cheers" to the extreme workers.  "Here, here" to the 9-5 steady and trues.  "A toast" to the part-timers.  We need all of you.  It's your choice how you go to work.  But we can celebrate the diversity of our choices and successfully put them to work many different ways.

And for those like me, type-A ambitious women who crave fulfilling lives -- filled to the brim with family, friends, career, dreams,volunteering, blogging -- I salute you! 

Let me put it this way. Even though I'll never be an extreme cyclist, I still welcome the adrenaline rush when I take on a challenging hill now and then.

For some more about extreme jobs, visit Jean Chatzky's January 30, 2007 "Extreme Jobs" program on Oprah and Friends radio.

Forgiveness With Extra Cheese

Sometimes I get discouraged.

This was true a few days ago when during my  scanning of the latest webline news at breakfast, I read about Philip Workman, the convicted man who was put to death in Tennessee earlier this week.  His last meal request was that a pizza be delivered to a homeless person.  The prison authorities refused saying they do not donate to charities.

I felt my stomach tighten.  I did not sense this man was trying to get a last minute interview with Brian Williams.  Nor did I pick up that he was trying to have this simple act erase the wrong he had committed.  In a way, I felt that this was Workman's final penance, his way of somehow coming to peace with himself and God with what he had done in the only way he could -- and instead of doing what seemed morally right, the authorities said no, they didn't support charities.  What?!  Don't we always complain about tax payers money supporting these bad people in prisons?  If we're shelling out cash already, what's a $12.99 large pizza?  Heck, throw in extra cheese and use my property tax towards a tip!

Fortunately, it sounds like a lot more than one homeless person got to feast on a pie thanks to Workman.  Many people reacted to the prison authorities' decision, and fortunately did something about it.  Donated pizzas poured into shelters across Tennessee. At one center that caters to teenagers in crisis, the executive director used the pizza as an opportunity to explain how they had come upon such good fortune.  It was a life lesson worth more to those teens than what they pick up on American Idol.

Sadly, Workman will never know that his final request was filled in such a big way.  Or will he?  Just how is justice really served once we check out of this life, move onto another, and call in our final order? 

Hello Teddy Roosevelt

We recently did what any good parents do today who live within driving distance of New York City.  We hopped a train to Grand Central Station and took a family trip to the American Museum of Natural History to experience our own "Day at the Museum." 

The kids were thrilled; the movie was a big hit in our house.  My husband and I were perhaps secretly  even more excited.  Both of us had made treks to this collosal  center of learning when we were young, and it had been many years since we visited.  Taking our own children there was a nostalgic step back in time, Ben Stiller or no Ben Stiller.

The ride in the taxi cab gave them the true NYC experience.  My daughter looked up at me nervously as our driver almost clipped a young couple.  "Jerk."  The young woman did a quick bang on the  trunk to make her point and I exhaled, realizing the extent of her  frustration would be limited to the "J" word. 

"Why isn't there a Teddy Roosevelt inside the museum?" asked my daughter.  "He doesn't look like the Teddy Roosevelt in the movie," noted my son.  Ah, it was true.  Teddy at the entrance did not quite resemble Robin Williams.  And there was no Teddy on a horse inside, although the big room we entered is referred to as the Theodore Roosevelt Rotunda .  But even though many things didn't look exactly as they did on the big screen, they were close enough to elicit an obvious sense of awe in all of us. 

Both children displayed the wide-eyed wonder I remember showing when I first visited.  The big blue whale was still there in its darkened cavern, the glow from the displays illuminating the room in that eery way, making you feel like you were deep in the depths of the ocean.  The African mammals still looked to me like they were about to leap out of their glassed enclosures, much like they did in the film. Unfortunately Sacagawea, who must today be one of the most well-known historical Native Americans among the twelve and under set, was not here.  The Temple of Dendur would take  visit on another day to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  And there were no little Owen Wilson's riding around on horseback.

Still we traced billions of years of the creation of the universe on the Cosmic Pathway at the Big Bang exhibit.  We made it to the reptile room and the dinosaurs.  And we did find the Easter Island stone head, more warmly known today as "Dum Dum," set way back at what felt like one of the farthest most corners of the museum.

There are so many treasures within reach to share with our children, whether in the big city or in our own towns and suburbs.  Take a day and make a discovery with your children, whether it's sharing with them a memory from your past or creating a unique moment for your family in the present.  You don't need a movie to suggest some together time -- just spending time together merits a blockbuster.

The Great Debate

One of my favorite blogs to stay up-to-date with is Lisa Cullen's Work-in-Progress blog for TIME.  Lisa hits a bullseye on the types of emerging day-to-day workplace and life balance issues that are taking over water cooler talk today. 

Yesterday she posted a thoughtful blogpost on "What Makes a Boss Family-Friendly?"  Wow, did she get some diverse comments back (including yours truly!)  I always sense that there is some quiet war bubbling under the surface when it comes to identifying who puts in their "fair share" at the office and who doesn't.  Do working moms really clock less hours?  Do people with no children truly have more fun and find better life balance?  It's always easier to look outside of yourself and think everyone else has it better than you.  It's the old "grass is always greener" syndrome.   

One of the comments on Lisa's blog came from YMM.  I wanted to reach out and hug him!  "Y" shared how through experience he learned that what counted was managing people to produce great results whatever way worked best.  He reminded me of so many people I've worked for.  I used to work for a global company, so quite frankly I was on call 24/7.  However, thanks to modern technology I could be accessed if something big came up.  What was important to me (particularly as my children were babies at the time) was that I had the flexibility to manage my own time and I had earned it by producing results.  It wasn't easy, and the hours I put in were still many.  But I did have some control over how I did it and with it came an earned sense of credibility. 

I recently had dinner with a former employee.  She had started working for me on a 6-month rotation out of college as part of a leadership development program.  She has now been promoted and is aptly leading her own team.

"You know," she told me.  "I'll always remember how you talked so openly about work-life balance and how you did it.  I thought all managers would be that open but I quickly found out that wasn't the case.  I'll never forget that example you set."

We all need to set the example of what works for us, not complain about what doesn't work.  There is tremendous diversity of people, situations, and lifestyle choices available today.  But with choice comes the responsibility of making decisions.  Maybe that's what is hardest for people to deal.  With decision-making comes the responsibility for the consequences and the accountability to make them work.  Sometimes our decisions mean great sacrifice but often even greater reward. Maybe if we just stay focused on what's most important, we'll have the flexibility to shape what might just work best for us.

A New Year Begins!

One of the wonderful things about having a blog is that you start to realize how many people start to follow along on your adventures.  And then it hits.  You have a following!  And then reality strikes.  You haven't been blogging in a couple of weeks!

So for all of you who have been faithfully following the adventures of this eclectic writer -- and perhaps those checking out this website for the first time -- thank you for making this a stop when you're on the web.  The Eclectic Writer is alive and well and living up to her persona as one busy 21st century working mother! 

I'm on sabbatical from my graduate studies for the semester so I can focus more on my writing while taking a break from the demands of the coursework.  I gave myself a couple of weeks to think about which writing projects would take priority during the coming months.  Of course, my thesis -- which will be a nonfiction book of essays about being a 21st century working mother! -- takes the top spot.  My final semester will be in the fall, with one more course to go and my thesis due at the end of the year. And I will continue to post to The Eclectic Writer so stay tuned!

I will be leading a workshop at the Women In Business conference taking place March 24th in Hartford, Connecticut.  My topic will be "Taking the Stress Out of Worklife Balance." Several other really interesting workshops are planned.  Check it out!

A busy year is ahead!  I hope you'll continue to follow along on the adventure!