The Eclectic Writer

Lithuania-Bound!

My bags are almost packed as I write this. I'm pretty sure I haven't exceeded my fifty pound limit on check-in luggage. Cell phone has been "globalized," flying clothes are laid out in the bedroom, and the toiletries are waiting for post-shower packing in the morning.  I'm heading to Lithuania! 

This is a trip of a lifetime. My ancestral roots are totally Lithuanian - both my grandparents on my mother's and father's sides came to this country in the early 1900's by boat. We know more about my maternal grandparents. My grandfather served in the czar's army but escaped before the Bolshevik Revolution took place. I believe he met my grandmother in this country and they married here. I also believe they lived fairly long lives, passing away just before or after my birth. A lot of the facts are sketchy for me.  I may have heard them at some point in my life but they've been long forgotten.

Less is known about my paternal grandparents, even by my mother. My grandfather died from cancer when my dad was quite young . My father and his baby sister were raised by my grandmother, but I'm not sure how long she was alive. My grandparents settled in Massachusetts and my few relatives on that side still live there and in New Hampshire. Only my dad migrated south to settle his roots.

But growing up Lithuanian in the sixties and seventies was odd. When we were asked in grade school for our nationalities and I said Lithuanian, everyone looked perplexed. Lithuania didn't exist. It was under Soviet rule until 1991 when it declared its independence. For many years I remember my mother writing to her cousin in Lithuania and being careful to only send gifts that could get through. Rumor was if you sent anything of value, it was confiscated before it ever reached its intended recipient.

Now my mother, who reads this blog and is coming on this trip, may refute some of this information and if she does, that would be welcome. This journey is the chance to get the facts straight and connect with a part of my life that seemed distant for so many years. As my sister-in-law said to me, traveling to the land of your origins is a strange experience. On one hand, you're going to a new place where you've never been before. On the other hand, many things in an eery way will be familiar, as if we're old souls passing through a place we've been in another life.

So an adventure begins. My mother, two sisters, and I embark on a journey to discover something of the past, find something in the present, and move forward for the future.

A Change of View

With academic ceremonies behind me, it's time to look forward and officially let my blog readers in on what I've been up to over the past several months.

Pushing Pause

As I completed my graduate studies, I decided to take a temporary sabbatical. As I like to put it, I pressed the pause button on life and took time to re-energize, re-focus, and re-assess my personal and professional goals. I felt very fortunate to be in a position and at a point in my life where I was able to do this.

I attended the AWP writing conference in the city. I had two articles accepted for a book on writing about family. I worked on my novel. I queried essays from my thesis. I began writing my second non fiction book about midlife transformation.  But all in all, I gave myself permission to pause and consider what was next.

After more than twenty years of hard work and, yes, "climbing the ladder of life," I realized I'd acquired tremendous skills and experience in the corporate world, somehow managed to get both children from daycare into grade school, and fulfilled my longtime goal of earning an M.F.A. It was time to figure out the next chapter.

Pursuing My Passions

Giving myself the gift of time, I thought a lot about my writing and where I want to take it. Publishing my work is an incredibly important goal for me. I've been diligently submitting my work, researching markets and opportunities, looking for an agent, and, of course, writing!

I've begun to further hone my professional speaking skills, delivering presentations at the Women in Business Summit and getting involved with professional organizations like the National Speakers Association Connecticut chapter.  My passion is to share my voice, not just through the words I write on a page, but those I speak to an audience at conferences, meetings, and events.

I've dusted off my picture book manuscript and am renewing my membership with the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators. I'm further developing my writers' workshops for children, originally designed for my children's classrooms, and hope to deliver to a broader audience come fall.

I've also started a communications consulting company, so I could continue to "keep a toe in the water" and earn a living in the field I've loved, while giving myself the flexibility I need to pursue my writing goals.

A lot on my plate? Yes, but that's me.  Scary? Of course! But I'm happy, energized, and pushing forward with a lot of great support and wonderful people rooting me on.

What's Next?

I've also been thinking a lot about this blog. While The Eclectic Writer has served its original purpose -- to get me blogging and keep me writing -- I've sensed growing pains. The blog was ready to evolve to the next level, but what did that mean?

You'll notice the tag line for The Eclectic Writer has been updated with, "Life is an adventure -- write about it." I realized that, for now, The Eclectic Writer continues to serve a purpose, to give me a platform to write about the big and little things that make up the adventure we call life. I'll continue to share my thoughts about everyday life, both the extraordinary and mundane, my writing career, family matters, and current events. But new, exciting things lie ahead...

Building a Midlife Platform

Down the road, soon I think, I'll branch off with another blog focused on my midlife musings. With gas prices skyrocketing, the economy in turmoil, and stress levels at an all time high, I'm meeting a lot of people -- particularly midlife women like myself -- who are ready (or at least thinking about) pushing pause and transforming their lives to write their next chapters.  These women are looking for innovative ideas and platforms for sharing.  More details to come...

Thanks for being a loyal reader. Your visits keep me inspired. To help keep The Eclectic Writer building momentum (and internet traffic) please take a moment to:

• Save www.theeclecticwriter.typepad.com as a favorite
• Share this link with your family and friends so they can keep up with the adventure
• Check in often -- I'm trying to post 3-4 x week
• Most importantly, be an active reader -- the joy of blogging is that the writer can read comments from readers and learn from your thoughts and ideas

Writers' Quote of the Day

Found this one on the Pink magazine submission guidelines website:

"Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say." --Sharon O'Brien, psychotherapist and freelance writer

Stimula-ting Mail

We received an official-looking piece of mail.  Written in red, stand-out letters were these words:

Understanding Your Economic Stimulus Payment

Did we get a check?" my husband asked.

I actually thought we'd already received our payment, that it had been included with the direct deposit made with my federal return. I was a bit confused. With all the talk lately about "Economic Stimulus Payments," I lost track of what was actually going on.

We opened the letter, like so many other eager Americans, and read these words.

"You are entitled to an economic stimulus payment of $X."

A little more than I thought, which is good, I said.

"You can expect payment by such-and-such a date."

Oh, didn't know that.

"What You Need to Do."

Basically, nothing.

As a writer of all things eclectic, but particularly an expert on the art of the business message, I'm always amazed by the disparity between the media headlines enticing us to believe the economic stimulus payment is the best thing since sliced bread, and these archaic, emotionless pieces of paper that come to us in the mail from government officials with a serious tone and passive voice rhetoric. The flatness glazes us over and renders us motionless as we absorb the nothingness of its contents.

Wouldn't it be better to get a letter that declared boldly on the outside, "Good News Inside!" with a smiley face next to it?

Then as a more uplifting salutation, "Congratulations. As part of a collaborative effort to jumpstart our economy, your government is pleased to provide you with this wonderful bonus refund for being such a good taxpayer during the year."

And maybe end with a, "Thanks for everything you do to help keep America full speed ahead."

Hey, I'm not knocking the Economic Stimulus Payment.  It's always nice to get money you did not expect. However, like most people (according to the countless polls) we're not planning to go out and spend our windfall on another flat screen television or ipod. No, like most others we'll probably pay off a bill. Or put it into savings. Or fill a tank with gas.

An Economic Stimulus Payment isn't going to change the world. But if receiving that piece of paper in the mail reminds us all that each and every one of us has to change how we live -- that we can choose to drive more fuel efficient cars, or maybe bike to the grocery store, or better plan errands so we do more driving less miles, or recycle more goods....if our habits truly change as a result of receiving our government bonus....then we'll be back in better shape than ever before.

But if we just cash the check and spend it, nothing will change.  And therein lies the importance of delivering the right message.

Mother's Day Ponderings

Here's the funny thing about the days I affectionately call "Hallmark holidays." They set up expectations that life will take a time out to be perfect because a calendar tells us they should be -- and then we live through guilt if anything goes asunder. 

Take, for example, Mother's Day.  Somehow as a mother I always feel like I'm supposed to transform into this Stepford-like woman for 24-hours on that third Sunday of May-- so if , say, I lose it with my kids when they don't listen or have to revert to my "stop it right now or you lose PS2" litany to halt their whining or bickering, I spend the rest of the day on a massive guilt trip.

Don't get me wrong.  I had a nice Mother's Day.  I got to sleep until 9:30. My kids gave me SingStar 90 and my husband presented me with the warm vanilla bath products I covet.  I belted out Black Hole Sun and You Can't Touch This at the top of my lungs while feeling smooth-skinned and smelling nice. We all went to see Speed Racer.

But I had my moments when life just didn't cooperate with the calendar.  Yes, I was cranky on Mother's Day.  Allergies were driving me crazy, I was crampy, and the kids were occassionally whiney.  But somehow at the end of the day, they still seemed to love me despite my human-ness. And as I sang Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head to each (part of our bedtime ritual) I knew I was doing ok as a mom -- and with kids as good as mine, maybe even doing great.

I'm a writer and mother who happens to write a lot about my children.  My literary heroes, to whom I strive to be in their company, are writers like Jean Kerr and Erma Bombeck.  They all knew this was not an easy gig, but captured the essence of motherhood with humor and grace.  I continuously strive to do so with my words and spirit.

In celebration of mother's day, some of my favorite quotes  about motherhood. Included are a couple from those grande dames of the written word, Kerr and Bombeck:

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." Mark Twain

"Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it. " ~Jean Kerr

"I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Check out time is 18 years." Erma Bombeck

"Mothers are the most instinctive philosophers." Harriet Beecher Stowe

"Motherhood is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." Marion C. Garretty

"I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids." Unknown

"A mother understands what a child does not say." Jewish Proverb

To all you mothers out there, hope you had a happy day.

Walkabout

Ever since spring has made it's appearance , I've been faithful to my daily "walkabout" the neighborhood. 

Around noon, I put on my walking shoes and do a 1 to 1-1/2 mile trek.  The path leads me down hills that I then must come back up.  I feel the burn in my calves and the pull in my hamstrings, as well as the sun on my face and the fresh air in my lungs. It's good to be part of the great outdoors, at least for a half hour midday.

I'm not adverse to walking outdoors in the winter months. But more often than not -- given older bones that seem to chill from the inside out much faster than in my younger days; the shorter, darker days; and just plain hibernation instincts -- I usually end up on the elliptical during the long, dreary days between January and March. I love the elliptical, but I definitely miss my daily dose of Vitamin D and fresh air.

So when the temperatures turn warmer, I need to get outside.  In fact, my kids have put me in the habit of an after dinner walk, giving me a double dose of outdoor exercise most days.

Did you take a walkabout today? Or did you stay stuck at your desk, breathing fresh air only through the sun roof on your way home from work?

Getting out to walk isn't as hard as it seems. Try these ideas to get moving:

• Set a simple goal to get started.  Set a distance and pace that works for you. Build up your speed as you get more comfortable.
• Choose some alternative routes to keep from getting bored. Every so often I like to go to the nearby lake and do the walking trail for a couple of loops. Or I do my route in reverse for a change of pace.
• Use a walk as an excuse for family time. Talk, share, and bond with each step. You'll be amazed by the things that kids come up with when the conversation is more relaxed and less rushed. And you'll be setting them up with a healthy habit that will last a lifetime.
• Aim for consistency. Walk everyday and you will notice a difference.

Even if you're type-A, ultra competitive, you don't need to train for the Olympic fun walk to benefit from walking.  Just find time to walk - every day - and quickly you'll be feeling better and doing something good for yourself.  Of course, as with any exercise program, make sure you check with your doctor or health care professional.

Walkabouts were for the aborigines a spiritual trek, a journey that represented a passage of time. You, too, can get into the spirit of walking by just experiencing the neighborhood right outside your door.

Tribute to Twix

It is with deep sadness that I must share with readers that Twix, the hermit crab, passed away yesterday. Twix and her roommate, Mo, were the class pets mentioned in my March 2nd posting, Unexpected Visitors. These little critters certainly grabbed the hearts of readers, as they did mine and my family's.

Twix was buried by her special friends, the 4th grade students whose classroom she called home, outside in the corner of the daffodil garden at school.  We are uncertain as to what caused Twix' passing. Some guesses were that she may have been old, or that she wasn't well as she didn't move around as much as Mo.

Whatever the cause, it can be assumed that during Twix' final months she lived a good life among friends who admired her. She in turn taught all of us more than we ever knew about hermit crabs.

A new friend will be joining Mo in the near future.  In the meantime, please take a moment to remember Twix and the good hermit crab she was.

Losing Our Religion (To the Other Guy)

I'm not one to talk much about religion, politics, or the existence of alien life forms. 

OK, it's the politics I stay away from the most (yes, I do care, and, yes, I do vote, but I don't choose to argue my choices over dinner for the sake of argument.)  I pay close attention to the issues, I vote, I pray, and I keep a close eye on real estate prices in the south of France.

As for alien life forms, I put a lot of energy into dealing with the odd assortment of folks I meet on a daily basis. So I think "why not?" and wait for the day Captain Kirk, aka spokesperson Wiliam Shatner, offers to beam me up on a future space shuttle for a reasonably negotiated on line price.

But religion.  Well, there's a topic. And it was front and center on CNN.com today.  Survey: Americans Switching Faiths, Dropping Out talked about a recent study by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life that looked at the U.S. religious landscape.  Surprise! According to the Pew Forum director, Americans "not only change jobs, change where they live, and change spouses, but they change religions too."

OK, I'm not sure about you but when it comes to making decisions in my life, changing religion is in a slightly different ballpark than, let's say, starting a new job because someone offered me a significant increase and company car to jump ship or, in the other instance, moving to another location because of said job.  In either case, if I make a mistake it wouldn't shake my total inner being. Perhaps bum me out a while, but I'm definitely sure I would survive.  Maybe changing religions is a bit more in line with changing spouses which, at least for me, would be a really, really big deal.

But what bothered me about the survey, or at least this reporting of its findings, is that I found it hard to discern if I was reading an article about people falling away from the belief in a religion, or a marketing study about why certain people buy mint toothpaste versus regular.  The article, titled America's Unfaithful Faithful," was more about brand loyalty than faith in a higher power. The story actually talks about "churn" among religious groups, a term I'm more familiar with within the walls of corporate America.

The article goes on to cite "There's no group that is simply winning or simply losing" but does admit that "the report does not speculate on the implications of its data."  Pew's director does suggest in the article that "What it says is that this marketplace is highly competitive and that no one can sit on their laurels, because another group out there will make [its tenets] available for potential converts to try out."

Huh?  And thus lies, at least in part, some of the reasoning why I lean toward spirituality, but not religion, in my adult life.  Companies compete every day for my phone service. I taste test something new every time I go to the supermarket. My junk mail pile could be deemed a fire hazard some days. I don't need various groups competing for my religious loyalty. 

I guess it is my belief that a higher power -- whoever he or she may be -- seems not concerned about what "brand" of religion I suscribe to but instead being a spiritual guide that I can turn to, talk with, yell at, sob to. Whether I've reached a high point or plunged to a low point, or exist anywhere in between, it's my belief in myself and faith that something greater than myself is there to help guide me, that ulitmately sees me through. And somehow as long as life plugs along and I'm doing ok with it, it doesn't matter to me what the crowd is buying into.  I'm loyal where I stand.

L'art d'envoi de lettres d'amour

In English, "L'art d'envoi de lettres d'amour" means "The art of sending love letters."  For the elementary school set, that translates into the yearly exchange of valentine cards to celebrate this holiday of love and friendship.

Our trip to Wal-Mart had us deciding on which valentines to give our friends from the usual suspects.  My six-year-old pondered over his choices that included Spongebob or Spiderman.  The web shooter won easily. My daughter had to choose from among several different sports available, and finally decided on basketball as her theme. 

I remember growing up Valentine's cards were small, colorful cardboard squares with funny pictures, goofy sayings, and easy-to-fold creases with a cut-out where the corners easily slipped in. 

Today, valentines are somewhat more complicated.  The Spiderman cards came with a special tattoo that could be given to each special someone along with the goofy saying.

"But how will the tattoo stay in the card?" my son asked.

Good point.  A simple sticky heart was provided to close up the ends, leaving the sides wide open for anything to drop out of.  So we made an assembly line. My son would sign his name and that of the recipient, I would tape the tattoos into the card right under Spiderman's hand, and we both would share heart-sticking duties.

The basketball valentines were easier to put together but harder to play.  Each folded into a miniature basketball court, with several little balls die-cut into to cardboard that could be punched out and played. I could hear the other mothers now and they sucked up those little basketballs with their Hoovers.

In the old days Valentine's Day was a simple holiday.  Both my children came home today with their red and pink covered boxes filled to the brim with valentines from classmates -- along with candy and gum and other assorted knick knacks.  I couldn't tell if Halloween had changed seasons and changed its hue from orange to red.

But somehow, despite the commercialization of another holiday, I had my valentines. They didn't come in a box, nor did they need to be folded, stickered, taped, or cut.  They were my family. And they're the best bit of love to be delivered to me in my life.

Maple Syrup On My Mind

My northern readers from the great state of Vermont have been having a wonderful time at my expense (and suffering through laughing pains, I am told) reading my recent posting about my maple syrup misadventures. The Vermont Shortbread Company has certainly made me a legend in my own mind, at least until spring thaw.

So of course, when I passed by the Vermont College of Fine Arts booth at the AWP (The Association of Writers and Writing Programs) conference this past week, I had to stop by and say hello.  The good folks were kind enough to let me take their picture -- and even gave me one of the cute, miniature bottles of pure Vermont maple syrup to take home with me...as long as I promised to pour it on pancakes, and not snow!

But have no fear, my Vermont friends. There was no snow anwhere in the city to even attempt another "candy on snow"  experiment. Just lots of rain, rain, and more rain. I needed my wellies more than snowshoes as a sloshed my way to the many workshops held during the conference and took in the enormous book fair. The buzz was that about 7,000 writers, editors, publishers, and educators descended upon NYC to attend this year's AWP.

I was thrilled to hear both Joyce Carol Oates and John Irving speak.  Both were engaging, insightful...and funny! I took in a lot of panel discussions about memoir writing and creative nonfiction. And, of course, learned about many of the reviews and publications where I'd like to land my work, shook a lot of hands, and made a lot of friends.

This was by far the biggest writers conference I've attended. But no matter what the size, here's some tips if you're heading to any conference for your trade or passion:

• Plan ahead.  Carefully review any information available on what is being offered and when. Highlight those workshops, lectures, or events that are absolute MUSTS to attend, and mark those that would be "nice to go to's."
• Pace yourself. A conference like AWP goes non-stop. Only you know your high energy times of day, and when you need to take a break.
• Network. If you don't have professional business cards, today's technology makes it possible to print your own. If you have a website or blog, spread the word. On line services, like vistaprint.com offer very reasonable prices for professional looking cards.
• Live with your notebook. For me, conferences like AWP spur a lot of creative thinking. I came away this time with four solid ideas for creative nonfiction and essay pieces and where I might publish them.
• Get advice from the experts. Check in with others who have attended a conference before to find out what they recommend is the best way to get the most out of the experience.