Earlier this week I invited PPM followers to share their stories about breast cancer and breast disease during October. Today's guest blogger is Sandy Freeman who tells us how breast cancer has affected her life and shares some wonderful words of wisdom about what to do if you receive a breast cancer diagnosis. Having gone through that experience myself, I think Sandy has thoughtfully summarized some sound advice. Here is her story:
THE FOUR WORDS WOMEN EVERYWHERE ARE AFRAID TO HEAR
“You Have Breast Cancer”
by Guest Blogger Sandy Freeman
Those words have been spoken to me. I am a breast cancer survivor and I want to share my story with you as well as some important steps you can take if you get a cancer diagnosis. My words address not only cancer but several other horrible diseases that may be preventable, depending on your commitment, due diligence and a proactive attitude towards your health. The first thing you should know is that there is HOPE, especially if it is caught early.
MY STORY (Part One)
My story about cancer started when I was much younger. My mother, at the age of 53, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a radical mastectomy and went through chemotherapy and radiation. This was several decades ago, and there was not as much knowledge and technology as we have today. I watched my mother deteriorate from a vivacious, cheerful and powerful woman to a living corpse, unable to undertake any challenges thrown her way. She suffered for several years, not only from the disease, but from the treatment. She went into remission for 5 years and then it came back with a devastating vengeance. She was gone in a matter of months. I will never forget the pain of not only her dying, but of watching all the suffering she had to go through.
Years later, my best friend was diagnosed with cancer that began in her breast and unfortunately traveled through (metastasized) and ravaged her entire body and mind. It was very difficult, to say the least, to watch her suffering during treatment until she finally succumbed.
My mother had four sisters, and all of them were diagnosed with breast cancer and eventually died from the disease or complications. The five sisters all had daughters around the same age as me. I was the only one who heard those words: “You have cancer.”
HELPFUL HINTS
Here are some helpful hints if you receive the diagnosis. (Download HELPFUL HINTS for the complete, expanded explanations for each)
- Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
- At least once a day, say, “Who cares?” and let go of old, rigid ways of living.
- Right after diagnosis, it helps to confide in someone who can handle and support your emotions.
- Initiate a hug whenever you feel the need for comfort.
- Every religion offers comfort to help endure life’s trials.
- There will come a day when your diagnosis is not the first thing on your mind when you wake up in the morning.
- If you find yourself grieving as though you have lost your best friend, you’re not alone.
- Naps are immensely therapeutic, especially if you’re undergoing radiation or chemotherapy.
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed – by work duties, volunteer activities, household tasks, social commitments – it’s time to make some changes.
- If you have small children and many commitments, enlist a friend or relative to help.
- Along with drawing emotional support from family and friends, local breast cancer support groups can help considerably.
- We often equate being nice to ourselves with buying things, but there are many ways to treat yourself without spending money.
- You may forget a dentist’s appointment or neglect to send Aunt Martha a birthday card. You may not feel like returning phone calls. It’s okay. People will understand.
- No one knows what causes breast cancer. Don’t try to figure out why this happened to you. There are no answers, and it’s not your fault.
- Just because your body may have changed, it doesn’t mean your sex life has to change too.
- Look for books, journals, blogs or websites that can explain how to change your thought patterns, identify negative thoughts and replace them with constructive or realistic ones.
- Accepting and learning to love yourself are critical to moving past your cancer experience.
- There are millions of women who are making this journey with you and millions of women who are already survivors. Today, you are a survivor, too.
MY STORY (Part Two)
So here’s my story. It was a day not unlike any other day. I was in the shower and I felt a lump in my breast. I was getting regular mammograms and completing self-exams. However, I immediately called my doctor and he immediately arranged for a mammogram, focusing on the lump. I was so relieved and excited when the radiologist told me the lump was a benign cyst. But, then he told me that he saw a different area, not manifesting with a lump that looked like cancer. He recommended that I see a cancer surgeon. He prepared me for a biopsy to try to get more information about the cancer, determine what stage it was, how large it was, and whether it had spread. The biopsy came out positive, and it was a certain diagnosis for the dreaded disease, breast cancer. I shuttered at the thought of going through what my mother, my aunts and my best friend had experienced. I freaked out! I cried! I screamed in disbelief! I was horrified! I felt like my days were numbered.
The doctor gave me two choices: one was a lumpectomy and the other a radical mastectomy. The lumpectomy would just remove the cancer cells, and, if I chose this option, I would require chemotherapy and radiation. On the other hand, if I chose a radical mastectomy, I would most likely not have to go through any other treatment.
I thought about it for days but didn‘t have much time to decide because I was told the cancer was aggressive and needed to be dealt with very quickly. I voraciously began my research. I knew that technology and knowledge were much greater since my mother, aunts and friend received their diagnoses. All through my research, I wondered how mutilated my body would look. I pondered if I would ever be able to look at myself in the mirror; would I lose my womanhood; and would anyone ever love me with this deformity. I considered myself, at that time, a fairly vain woman and just couldn’t grasp how to process the diagnosis and pending surgery and recovery.
Two facts echoed in my mind as I thought about my options. I was told that the cancer was in my milk ducts and that it was contained, meaning that it had not spread to other areas of my body. I was again told that a radical mastectomy would not require further treatment.
After several days of deliberating and torture to make this decision, I decided that I did not want to go through chemo and radiation, so I chose to get a radical mastectomy. I was recently divorced at the time and still grieving my lost love and now I had to grieve for a part of my body that was going to be removed and forever transform the way I looked naked and clothed. I pondered if the surgery was going to affect my self-esteem and make me feel like less of a woman.
The day of surgery finally arrived. I was terrified, but I knew I had to go through with this process. My breast and some nodes were removed, and I was bandaged up tight so that I could not see what I looked like. I spent several days in the hospital and then with a nurse who came to my home to help me with simple things like getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, showering, changing my dressings and more. Although a difficult recovery, I was also happy to know that I would move through it and be back up and running soon.
About one week after my surgery I had an appointment with the surgeon to have my stitches removed. Now came the moment of truth! I had to face my terror of seeing myself for the first time since the surgery. The bandages were removed, and I slowly lowered my eyes to take a look. As I looked in the mirror, the initial thoughts that raced through my mind were that I was deformed. I had no nipple, my breast was inverted and I had huge black stitches all across my left breast. I was horrified.
It was only later that I discovered that I should have had a plastic surgeon do the surgery because he/she would have been more concerned about how I would look afterwards. So there I was, staring at my ugly body in disbelief of how I looked. However, I tried to look on the bright side by reveling in the fact that it was over and that I didn’t need any further treatment.
Unfortunately, that was not the case. The cancer surgeon said that I still needed chemo and radiation. I was livid! I screamed and yelled and cried to him, expressing that I chose the mastectomy as opposed to the lumpectomy because I would not need the treatment that can kill you as much as the disease can. He apologized and sent me to an oncologist for further diagnosis.
Luckily, after many tests, x-rays and a second opinion, I learned that my cancer was completely removed and that I did not need further treatment. I was ecstatic and tremendously relieved. However, I still had a long road to follow regarding my recovery, grieving and how this would affect my future.
When the bandages finally came off for good, I stared at myself in the mirror every day. It wasn’t the me I always knew that was staring back but rather a deformed and weakened woman. But I knew that I had to get through this and that I needed help. The American Cancer Society sent out volunteers to visit me, show me how to choose a new bra and gave me hope that it would all be okay.
After some time, I began a year-long treatment of weekly visits to a plastic surgeon who put in a stent to slowly expand my skin so I would be able to receive an implant. It was a rough year. No clothes looked good on me and I still struggled with that image in the mirror. Finally the day came when I was stretched out enough to receive the implant. I went through that surgery hoping it would make me feel better about myself and the way I looked.
The surgery was successful and I now had a new breast implant. I still had no nipple and a huge scar across my breast, but I felt better about myself.
It was a long, slow and painful road but I made it through. Now ten years later, I am still cancer free and I love myself when I look in the mirror.
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I have shared my experience with you because there is an important message that all women need to hear. I found a lump in my breast and thought it was cancer. I followed through with a mammogram, only to discover that the lump was benign but I had cancer nevertheless.
Here’s the deal. If I didn’t have that lump, I probably wouldn’t have gone for the mammogram and my cancer would not have been discovered – or discovered too late.
My lump was benign and was not indicative of cancer, although it did make me investigate further. I just as easily could have had no lump and still had cancer elsewhere. So I want to tell all of you ladies wondering about your health, DO NOT BELIEVE that just because you do not have a lump, you are safe. Stay diligent and remain current on your mammograms as advised by your doctor as well as complete monthly self-exams. If you receive a diagnosis of breast cancer, KNOW that you can get through this. There are thousands and thousands of women everyday receiving this diagnosis and you are not alone. Scientific research has shown that a positive attitude greatly increases your ability to fight this disease. Keep your POSITIVE attitude and remember that early detection is your greatest hope for good health!
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